The Protector
by Shaunee18
Summary: Everyone's done something in their life they're not proud of, but even if it isn't your fault you still live with the guilt of what's happened. A life of solitude is what's faced with an ex-SOLDIER who's done her share of bad things in the world, blaming the loss of the men she loved on herself. But can Cloud's friend bring both her and Cloud back from the brink? Or is it too late?
1. Savior

How long had it been since I had been in Midgar? I had forgotten how long it had been. I had almost forgotten all about this place. It would be hard to return here, with all the happy memories I had with my friends. But at least one of them was still alive.

My bike skid to a stop rate in front of a familiar Buster Sword. First it had belonged to my good friend Angeal, and then to the love of my life... Zack Fair. I hadn't been back in Midgar since his death. Ever since he died I had forgotten how to care, how to love. Part of me was still pissed at him for Aerith, but as he had told me he felt protective of her. I didn't blame him.

I ran the back of my hand against the sword and smiled, something I hadn't done in a long time. It was a beautiful piece of work even though it was rusted. Angeal would be throwing a fit rate now, I could just here him yelling.

_"Look at what you did to it! Be ashamed of yourself!"_

_"Don't touch the sword, it's mine!"_

I chuckled and looked at my reflection. My shoulder length ebony black hair was kind of a mess, my once bright mako blue eyes had dulled, but my caramel skin had stayed the same besides some scars. I wore a black, sleeveless shirt, dark gray cargo pants, black boots, and a black cloak that only covered the back and sides of my body leaving the front open. Around my neck was a necklace Zack had given me, a howling wolf was the charm of the necklace. I had three others, each from my deceased friends. One from Genesis, three simple red beads, another from Angeal, a heart pendent with honor inscribed on the back, and the third was from Sephiroth, a silver wing charm.

I sighed and got back on my bike. So many good memories yet so many bad things had happened. I only wish I could of been there to protect Zack, to save him from death. But I knew he was at peace where he was, along with Aerith. Before I returned though, I would have to make sure the men following me were off my tail.

With one last look at the buster sword, I felt tears come to eyes and I swear I could see Zack standing next to it, a smile on his face. He nodded and made a heart with his hands letting me know he was there. I nodded in return and whipped my bike around to get to my destination: The Forgotten City.

* * *

Another day stuck inside. I hadn't been in the outdoors in days and was dying to get out of this stuffy room before it killed me. I looked over at the couch to see Loz flicking through the channels and Kadaj taking a nap on the floor. I knew Loz wanted to get out just as much as I did and tapped his shoulder.

"Let's leave while we still can." Loz smiled and slowly got up from the couch, careful not to wake the sleeping Kadaj. Both of us snickered as we got outside and got on our bikes. Kadaj was usually a deep sleeper so he shouldn't wake up to the noise.

We made it to a large clearing, a place where we would spar when we got the time. We hopped off of the one bike, seeing as we weren't going to be needing two, and instead of sparring we just laid on the cold ground.

It felt good to be out of the hideout and get some fresh air. Even guys like us needed to get out and do something, even if it was just laying on the ground doing nothing. It was better than sitting in that damn house all day.

"Well, well. Look what we have here." Both myself and Loz shot up and got ready for a fight. There was two of them, both were wearing white cloaks with black tribal markings I didn't understand, and leather suits somewhat similar to our own yet totally different. The one had spiky white hair with bright amethyst eyes and the other, a girl, had medium length brown hair.

"By any chance have either of you seen a black bike pass through here?" The one with white hair played with a katana while his partner spoke.

"No. We just got here." The girl tilted her head in curiosity. "Then you have a base close by with another man?" Her silky voice rang through the air as we got into defensive positions.

"Loz, go get Kadaj."

"Bu-"

I snapped my head at him and glared. "Go get Kadaj!" Loz looked between me and the two intruders before doing as he was told.

The girl rolled her head and the boy cracked his knuckles. "You don't stand a chance, you fool." I sneered and charged at the boy. His blade and my gun collided but I already knew he was much stronger and more powerful than myself or Kadaj for that matter.

I then felt my self being pulled away and was slammed first in the ground and then into a tree. I tried to get up but the blade of the boys katana pierced my shoulder, pinning me to the tree. There was something in this boys eyes, something I had never seen. It was pure evil. Though I had never seen eyes filled with evil like this, I knew that's what it was.

"Any last words?" The girl raised the dagger to my neck and smirked.

"How about you let the young one out of this and get what you really came for." My head snapped in the direction of the voice and I saw a small woman standing in front of a black bike. Resting on her shoulder was a buster sword. It was large but she could pick it up with ease.

The katana was pulled from my shoulder but not before a cut was made on my side by the dagger. I covered the wound and scooted away towards a tree. The two turned their attention to the woman who was leaning more to one side now, a look of amusement on her face.

"You should pick on someone who can match your strength, not someone who's weaker." I could feel the anger radiating off of both of them and then the girl charged at the black haired woman. She skillfully dodged the attack and flung the girl into a tree, pinning her there by her torso with the girls own katana. The girl screamed in agony and the boy charged next.

Their swords collided and sparks flew, but neither of them backed down from the force. The black haired woman kicked down at the boys feet sending him upwards and she followed after him. I could hear metal hitting metal, but couldn't see either of them.

I moved over to the girl and pulled the katana from her body while holding the wound on my side. She fell to ground and I pierced the blade into her chest. Her face paled and then she turned into ash. Just like that she turned into ash. I fell back onto the ground and scooted away the ash.

Seconds later the boy slammed into the ground not far away from where his sister had been and turned into ash as well. I lifted up my gun to defend myself, but I had already lost a lot blood. The black haired woman limped over to me and I could see a large gash on her right arm bleeding heavily.

"You alright, kid?"

I sneered at her and narrowed my eyes. "I'm not a kid." She put her left arm up defensively and slowly made her way next to me.

"Let me see your side..."

"Yazoo." She nodded and gently pulled the fabric away from the wound.

"You lost blood, but its not too deep." I watched as she pulled bandages and tape from a pocket on her pants and patched it up.

I stood up with her help and looked at the wound on her arm. It was much worse than mine yet she wanted me fixed up before herself. I gently took her arm and pulled some bandages from my own pocket. She just stood there and let me do my work and when I was done she just gave me a smile.

"Thank you, Yazoo."

I smiled and held my hand out. "Never got your name." She gently shook my hand, but pulled away as blood bled through the bandage. I looked back at her arm and to my shock it was healing before my eyes. Her limp was also gone and she helped me over to her bike.

"Tell me where you're staying and I'll take you there." I pointed in the direction and she snorted. "That's a lot of help." I got behind her on the bike with so many questions on my mind.

"What were those guys?"

"Demons. They used to work for SOLDIER but as experiments. They're a combination of not only SOLDIER but summoning's and monsters as well."

"Why couldn't I land a hit?" The woman shifted her weight on the bike and stopped in front of our base.

"Both of them can predict your moves before you even know what you're going to do."

I got off the bike and heard Kadaj and Loz fighting about something. I'd have to talk to them later about how they didn't come for me. The woman giggled and pointed a little ways from the hide out. Kadaj and Loz were wrestling on the ground like children.

"Goodluck, Yazoo." I went to say thank you but when I did she was already gone.

"Alright you two! Break it up!" I pulled them away from each other and glared at them both.

"You know I almost died."

Kadaj dusted himself off and stood up. "You look fine to me."

"Yeah. Not a scratch besides the tear in your clothes."

"Because someone saved my ass!" Both of them looked at me in shock and then in the direction I came from.

"Who?"

I just shrugged. Should I tell them it was a woman or leave that out of it? I decided to leave it out and just tell them what happened. "I don't know what they're name was. They just patched me up and brought me back here." They soaked in the information and stood there saying nothing. I sighed and started walking back inside, and for once I actually wanted to stay inside.

"And you didn't get the name?" I shook my head and unzipped my leather suit to see the damage that had been done.

The area around the cut was swollen and bruised and blisters had begun to form around it. All together it looked really gross even to me. Something moved in my pocket and when I took it out it was a small box. Inside was some sort of cream and I knew it was for the cut. I gently applied it and the wound slowly began to fade away. Kadaj stared at me in shock and took the cream away.

"It doesn't say what it is." The skin where the wound had been was silky and smooth with a paler look to it.

I looked back in the mirror and behind me I saw the black haired woman. I turned around and saw nothing there, like it was an illusion.

"What is it, Yazoo?"

"I just need some rest." Both of them nodded and left me alone in my room. Who was that woman and why did she save me? That's all I could think about.

* * *

**Tell me what ya'll think!:)**


	2. A Start

I slowly opened my eyes as the sunlight hit my face and the birds chirped outside. For once in days, we wouldn't have to get up and worry about being found... but its not like anyone knew we were here. I sat up and tried to rub the sleep away from my face.

There was a stinging pain in my shoulder and I remembered what had happened yesterday. I got up and looked at what should of been a bleeding wound and instead saw that the flesh was clean and unharmed. It was like nothing had ever happened.

"Took you long enough." My head snapped in the direction of the feminine voice and my eyes met dulled blue ones. It was the same woman from yesterday, the who saved my life.

"How'd you get in here? Did Kadaj see you?" I looked around the room and made sure the door was shut. I don't know why I was trying to keep her hidden. Kadaj wanted to know who saved me and here she was. But I felt protective of her for some reason.

She walked around the room and looked over my leather clothes. "Came in while everyone was sleeping. I had to make sure you got the cream as well. And no, Kadaj didn't see me. But Loz is another story."

I raised an eyebrow and she chuckled. "We watched some tv and then he went to bed. Kadaj... well I was kind of scared to meet him."

"Why?" She shrugged. "He doesn't seem like the most... welcoming person. He has this kind of deadly aura around him. Not something that usually scares me, but I want to make a good impression with your little brother."

"Yeah. Kadaj is like that."

She turned back to me, studying me in a way. "You aren't one to be kind or have a love feeling, but I can tell you do show understanding and sorrow." I stared at her in shock, not knowing what to say.

"Uh yeah. Loz is the more-"

"Childish yet is the strongest and Kadaj is the insane and cruel one."

"How do you know so much?" She walked around my room and took in every detail. It was strange how she was studying me like an experiment and everything around her as well.

"I watched everyone all night. Mind telling me... what you are?"

I could hear Kadaj and Loz arguing rate outside my door, but this woman wasn't going anywhere. And I could tell she wasn't the kind of person to let her questions go unanswered. "Remnants of Sephiroth."

"So you weren't actually born, but made in Nibelheim?" I nodded and heard my brothers banging on my door.

"Up yet Yazoo?!"

"We're gonna do something today!"

"Pretty much."

She smiled sweetly and pointed to my shoulder. "Not completely a remnant." I looked at my shoulder and saw a tribal wing tattoo where the wound on my shoulder had been.

"What-" When I looked for the woman she was gone. There wasn't even a trace of her anywhere. But upon closer inspection at my bed I could see a single black feather where she had been standing.

"My name's Ryder." I spun around trying to find the voice, but there was no one in my room.

"Ryder..." I twirled the black finger between my fingers and smiled at how silky soft it was. So the name of my savior was Ryder. Now I could tell Kadaj who saved my life.

I opened the door to see a smiling Loz and Kadaj looked the same way. Kadaj was actually smiling and smiling like a loon. "Kadaj, you're starting to scare me." He chuckled and pulled me out of my room.

"Come on! There's a bazar in Midgar and we're going." I raised an eyebrow and stopped in my tracks.

"Can I at least get dressed?" Kadaj nodded and pointed to some clothes laying out on the couch. "Where those." I took the clothes and headed into the bathroom to take my morning shower.

When I was done I met my brothers outside by the small pond. All three of us were wearing jeans with a black t-shirt, ditching our weapons so we didn't look like a threat. We already knew AVALANCHE would be looking for us so it was best to blend in. That meant no bikes either.

* * *

I looked at the building with the name 7th Heaven and sighed. This is where Cloud would be, hopefully. It was time to make things right after what happened in SOLDIER. What happened then was the past. This was the present and I needed to make things right.

I pushed the doors open and looked around. There were a couple people sitting at the bar with a black haired woman serving them. Cleaning off the tables were two children. One was a boy with brown hair and the other was a girl with long brown hair in a braid... come to think of it she kind of looked like Aerith. I knew the girl wasn't hers but I thought they looked pretty similar.

"Excuse me, miss," The woman turned to me and smiled. "Hello, what can I do for you?"

"Is there a Cloud Strife living here?" She seemed caught off guard by the question and slowly nodded.

"Yeah, but he isn't here rate now. He should be back soon though." I nodded and took a seat at the bar.

"What's your name?"

"Tifa Lockhart. You?" I took one of the shots she had laid out before saying more. "Ever heard of SOLDIER?"

"Cloud was in SOLDIER so yeah."

I played with the shot glass between my fingers and stared at her. "Cloud ever say anything about a Ryder Hewley?"

"Said that Ryder was one of the most beautiful people he had ever met. He said she was Zack's true love or something along those lines."

I looked around the bar and then back at the doors, hoping he would walk in at any moment, which wasn't the case. Tifa looked me over then started tending to the other customers. I turned my attention to the two children, who were now having a little water fight.

"Brake it up you two. I don't think Tifa would be too happy at this." They turned their attention to me and I smiled. I knelt down to the girls level and wiped her face off with my cloak. Then I did the same thing with the boy.

"My name's Ryder. What's yours?" The girl smiled at me and held her hand out. She seemed really mature for her age. "Mine's Marlene and this is Denzel." I shook both of their hands and helped them clean the tables.

By now there was no one left in the bar so I sat back down on one of the stools in front of Tifa. She was looking at me half in curiosity and half in suspicion. I didn't blame her. I was playing with the two kids and she had never met before.

"Who are you?"

"Ryder?" I froze at _his _voice. I had this all planned out, but now that it was time for me to say what I needed to say and try to make things right, I was scared.

"Hey Cloud." I turned around and gave a wary smile to the awe-struck and shocked ex-SOLDIER. He walked to me quickly and circled me like a hawk and I checked him over. Bright blue eyes, spiky blonde hair, and those cute freckles all over his face. Yep, this was defiantly Cloud.

"Where have you been? Why did you leave? Where did you go? Do you-"

"One question at a time Cloud!" He shut up and I pointed to the bar stool I had been previously seated in and narrowed my eyes at it. "Sit." Cloud did as he was told and stared at me with a solemn expression, ready to listen.

I pulled a notebook with a picture of myself, Zack, and Cloud on the front along with a picture of Genesis, Angeal, Sephrioth, and me. There were others as well but those two were my favorites. I handed it to Cloud and got ready to speak.

"After finding out Zack cheated on me I was pissed and I talked to Aerith for two hours before telling her who I was and then I left. I took that mission afterwards and then started traveling. By the time I got back, you and Zack were gone. I wanted to make things right with Zack so I started to look for you but I could never find any leads," Cloud's eyes started to water but a smile was present on his face.

"About a year after I started my search I came back and found that Zack was dead. I couldn't take being in Midgar so I left to continue traveling. I thought about everyone everyday, but I could never bring myself to see you again until about a week ago. And that is a short story of what's happened."

Cloud was staring down at the journal, thinking hard about what I had just said. I looked down and away to avoid his gaze as he looked up at me. I was ashamed, more then ashamed. In a way, I felt responsible for Zack's death. If I had stayed and gone with them on that mission and been on the run with them then I could of saved him.

"It's good to see you again." My head snapped up and I felt two strong and warm arms wrap around me. I chuckled and scratched the top of his head, like I used to in SOLDIER. Cloud pinched the back of my neck and I let out a high pitched squeak.

"I'm-"

Cloud held me by the shoulders and gave me a stern look. "You looked right? And you found me so hey!" I raised an eyebrow at what he said, somewhat confused and amused. It made almost no sense. I studied him for a moment and I knew he wanted to say something to me but didn't want to make a scene in front of Tifa and the two kids.

"So this is the Ryder you tell stories about?" Tifa smiled and dried her hands off on a towel. I looked back at Cloud and put my hands on my hips. "You tell stories about me?"

Cloud rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. "The missions that I went on with you, I tell them about those."

"You tell them the story about the Chocobo Ranch?" A light blush crept on to Cloud's face and I smirked.

I sat on the floor and folded my legs ready to tell Cloud's embarrassing story. "Well this one time Cloud, Zack, and myself had some free time so we went to the chocobo ranch not too far away. Anyways while we were there-"

Cloud's hand covered my mouth and he began to drag me upstairs. "Enough story telling! I'm gonna show Ryder upstairs." I held my head high as I followed Cloud up onto the roof.

"Alright. Give it to me Cloud."

"How could you?! You left just like that, leaving me and Zack heartbroken. Zack was never the same! He talked about you everyday and sometimes cried about it! You had no right to leave like you did! First Angeal left him and then he had to KILL Angeal. And then Sephrioth left! Can you imagine how he felt? How I felt?!"

I stared at Cloud wide eyed, unable to speak. I could of prepared myself for anything, but still it hurt me for Cloud to say what he did. But I deserved all of it. Cloud was like a brother to me and I knew he looked up to me as well. Not only that, but when me and Zack were together we treated Cloud like our child. Hell, we went out on "family" dinners!

I stepped closer to Cloud and placed a hand on his shoulder. My eyes locked with his and I could see some of Zack's spirit in Cloud. "I was hurt, just as Zack and yourself. Angeal left me, Genesis left, and finally Sephrioth. I was so confused and angry and I didn't know what to do. I felt that leaving would help me but by the time I got back it was too late. It's been killing me everyday, Cloud. I regret everything I did and I came here to try to make it up to you." I fell on my knees and bowed my head in defeat. Never once in my life had I begged for forgiveness. But Cloud was all I had left now, my only family. I wasn't going to lose him, not this time.

"I missed you, Ryder." Cloud fell on his knees and hugged me close to him. We were all each other had left, except Cloud had Tifa and these two kids. Hopefully, with time, I could become part of this family.

I hugged him back and sighed in comfort at the warmth his body brought me. This was the right thing to do, coming back to Cloud. We were family and family didn't leave each other behind like I had. It was time to make things right.

"Let's go to the bazar. I told the kids I'd take them."We stood up and started our way back to downstairs to the bar.

"How about I take the kids and you spend some time with your girlfriend." A blush crept onto Cloud's cheeks and he glared at me. "Tifa isn't my girlfriend."

I pointed a finger at him as we reached the end of the stairs. "Not yet." I jogged to the door and met the kids there, both jumping all over me. I kneeled down and smiled at the two. "So, you two want to go to the little bazar in town?"

"Yeah!" I chuckled and looked up at Cloud for approval.

"You trust her?" Cloud gave me a soft look. "With my life." I perked up at his words and ushered the kids outside. I knew I had a long way to go to earn Cloud's full trust, but the kids were a start.


	3. One To Zero

"Look at this stand! Can I get a new dress Ryder? Pllleeeaaassseee?"

I chuckled and picked out a white dress with a pink ribbon around it. Marlene then picked out a light blue dress with a white bow in the back. I gave the woman the money as Marlene fussed over her knew dresses.

"Are they yours?" I shook my head and motioned for her to keep the extra. "Watching them for some friends." The woman giggled and I took the two energetic children to some more shops. Marlene got her girly things, dresses, bows, headbands, shoes and the list could go on. Denzel on the other hand didn't really seem interested in any of it.

While Marlene was looking over some flowers, I pulled Denzel aside to see if he was alright. I gave him a sweet smile and knelt down to his level. "What's up?" He looked at me weirdly then tried to walk away but I grabbed his arm. "You can tell me, I'm a good friend of Cloud's."

His scared yet soft eyes searched my face. "I thought we'd be with Cloud... he's not around a lot anymore."

"You really look up to Cloud, don't you?" Denzel nodded rapidly and smiled. "Yeah!" I ruffled his hair and held my hand out to him. "I'll have a little talk with Cloud then. But for now, enjoy yourself." He grabbed my hand and we met Marlene back by the flowers.

"Decide on anything sweetie?" Marlene shook her head and took my other hand. "But a man in white cloak asked me the same question." I stopped in my tracks and stared at Marlene. "Were there strange markings on the cloak?" She nodded and furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"Do you know him?" I looked around at the buildings and then at the crowds of people. I didn't feel anything so they must of left. Too bad. "Yeah. Old friends. Stay away from them though." She nodded and I let them stop at a food stand. I had my right hand placed on my belt near my Velvet Nightmare and my left hand was in a pocket on my cloak to look more casual.

"Denzel, how far away is the bar from here?"

"Not far. Why?" I shrugged and let them continue their meals.

There couldn't be white cloaks here. I had gotten rid of the two that were following me after I saved Yazoo, unless this one had stayed hidden. If that was the case, I didn't have much time left with Cloud. Or time to tell him what was going without ruining the relationship I was trying to build back up.

"Ryder? Ryder!" I snapped from my thoughts and looked down at the worried faces of Marlene and Denzel.

"Hmm?"

"Are you alright?" I nodded and gave them a reassuring smile. "I'm fine you two. Lets just enjoy the bazar."

* * *

I followed Yazoo and Kadaj through the bazar, looking at all the stands hoping to find something useful but nothing had caught my eye. This was more of a get-some-fresh-air kind of thing, like me and Yazoo had tried to do yesterday.

"So his name was Ryder?"

"For the hundredth time Kadaj, yes!" I walked slower behind the two to avoid getting caught in their argument about who had saved Yazoo.

As we walked by this stand covered by a red tent I couldn't help but feel a pull to go in. My feet had a mind of their own and I entered the tent. Inside was a woman wearing a skin-tight, sleeveless leather shirt that revealed her stomach, a pair of jean shorts, and a white cloak that was open in the front. The woman had gold eyes and multiple piercing's over her face.

"You're one of Sephiroth's remnants, yes?" I slowly and unsurely nodded my head.

"But, you've been marked by... well I don't know what exactly to call the woman. A... demon? No. She saved your brothers life. Possibly a guardian? Yes, that seems to work. You have the tribal mark of a wing on your left shoulder yet you haven't been saved yet."

"What are you talking about?" The woman smiled and motioned to the tent with her hands.

"I tell the future and what's happened in your life just by looking at you." I gulped and backed away, somewhat scared by this woman.

"Do you ever get bored scaring kids?'I looked to my left to see to see the same girl that I watched tv with this morning. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she had a look of disappointment on her face.

"And we meet again, Ryder." Ryder? My eyes widened as I put the two together. Ryder wasn't a boy, it she was a woman! My jaw dropped and I stared in awe. Yazoo was saved by a woman. I was gonna have to tease him about this later.

"Shove your future telling up your ass and leave the guy alone. Bad enough he has to live with two annoying shits, so he doesn't need someone freaking him out like this."

Ryder took my arm and yanked me out of the tent. I took notice this time that she had a nose piercing, plus a single cartilage piercing on her left ear and two piercing's on each ear lobe. I had to admit she was extremely gorgeous. Though, Yazoo said the one who saved him could lift up busters swords with ease. I didn't see it in this woman. She was too small and didn't look like she had any muscle.

"Your brothers are worried."

"How do you know?" She raised an eyebrow at me and then looked around at the crowd. I didn't get an answer and she continued to pull me through the crowds of people until we reached Yazoo and Kadaj, who were waiting anxiously by the entrance to Midgar.

"Loz! Where did you go?" She left go of my arm and looked at Yazoo, who looked shocked to see her.

"And who's this?" Kadaj put his hand by his Souba, ready for a fight.

Ryder put her hands up by her head and looked between all of us. "Now, lets not make a scene. After all, you're trying to keep yourselves hidden, yes?" Yazoo smirked and motioned for me to come by him.

"And how do you know that?"

"Yazoo told me." I felt Yazoo tense and I could see Kadaj's face fill with confusion. "What? How?"

"I saved his ass, that's how." I snorted as I tried to hide my laugh and Yazoo hit me over the head with his Velvet Nightmare. "Be quiet!"

"Wait, you're a woman?"

Ryder smirked and bowed. "Ryder Hewley at your service." She held out her hand and Kadaj took it, thankfully. I thought he was going to be rude like usual.

"Hopefully Yazoo won't lie this time about me being a woman and tell you the real story. It was nice seein' ya two again." I waved to her and she did it back, a smirk plastered on her face. When she left though, I laughed as we started back to the Forgotten city.

"You were saved by girl!" Yazoo had his hands shoved in his pockets, a defeated look on his face. Kadaj on the other hand was still trying to comprehend what was going on. I turned my attention to him and gave him a look of concern. "Something wrong?" He shook his head as we walked inside of our hideout.

"Yazoo, did you see what she was wearing?" Yazoo shrugged and took a seat on the couch. "Black shirt, black cloak, dark gray pants. What's wrong about that?"

"That was a soldier first class uniform. She's with big brother."

* * *

"That was so much fun Ryder!" I walked into the bar with Denzel on my back and Marlene holding my hand. In my other hand I had the bags of things both kids had gotten. Cloud and Tifa were sitting at the bar with two other figures. I easily recognized those two.

"Reno! Rude!" The kids took the bags and I was tackled by Reno in a bone crushing hug.

"Took you long enough to come home honey!"

I rolled my eyes and attempted to shove him off of me. "Reno... you are... crushing... my lungs." Reno released his grip and helped me up.

"Where have you been, hottie?" I lightly shoved him and nodded to Rude. "Good to see you." Rude patted my arm and I turned to Cloud.

"They were very well behaved." He nodded and the two turks left. I watched as they went out the door and looked back at Cloud. "You need to spend more time with those two. Denzel looks up to you greatly Cloud."

"But-"

"But you can't, is that it? It's the same fucking excuse every time! Families are torn apart by this kind of shit, Cloud!"

Cloud sneered at me a took a step forward. "What would you know?! You've never had a family!" I paused and for once since I left Midgar, I could feel the tears beginning to well up in my eyes. Cloud spoke the truth, but it really hurt. I had never had a family, not a real one. Angeal, Genesis, and Sephiroth were what I had called family.

Angeal was like a brother but most imporantly, he was my best friend. Genesis was the odd end of the family, only because of the crush he had on me. But then he was also like my brother. Last but defiantly not least was Sephrioth. He was like my father, always kept me in check and tried to do the same for Genesis and Angeal, thought Angeal kept them in check.

I backed away from Cloud, but I deserved this. I was the one who left Cloud alone, the one who let him go through all of this alone.

"Ryder! I'm sorry!"

I shook my head and gave him a small smile. "Don't be. I deserve this. I left when everyone needed me most."

"No one deserved what I just said to you!"

I narrowed my eyes and scrunched my nose up. "Just drop the damn subject and spend time with those kids. I'm going for a walk." Cloud called after me but he knew better then to follow.

I got on my bike, which was very much similar to Cloud's except mine was black and silver, with some red accents on the silver. There was only one place I could go rate now, besides to see Rufus but I was pissed at him still, so I started to the Forgotten City which would only take about ten minutes.

When I got there, I parked my bike next to the other three and walked inside of their hideout. Yazoo was lounging on the couch, Loz was seated on the floor looking more childish then I'd seen, and Kadaj, well he was watching the TV in disappointment.

"Well aren't you a fun bunch." Kadaj's head snapped towards me while Yazoo and Loz just smiled. I leaned against the door frame, arms crossed over my chest and a smirk on my face.

"How did you get in here?"

"Got on my bike and came here. Surprised you didn't hear me." I walked over to the small kitchen and picked an apple up from a bowl sitting on the counter.

"Listen, I need to place to stay for the night. Things aren't going so hot back home and I'd like to cool down here." Kadaj stood up and glared down at me. "You're with Cloud!"

"With? No, I just came back to Midgar when I saved Yazoo's ass. I don't have a side. I watch and if I feel like someone needs help, I'll help."

"You can have my bed for the night." Yazoo stood up and motioned for me to follow him.

"Did I say you could give her a room?" Kadaj pulled his weapon out, but I blocked the hit with my hand.

Blood dripped from the wound the blade was leaving. My right hand had a tight grip around the two blades and the cuts just got deeper. Kadaj pulled the blade away and gave me an apologetic look.

"I'm-"

"Save it." The blood flowed from my hand almost like a faucet, leaving a red puddle below it. Yazoo took my hand and wrapped it in a cloth as he escorted me to his room.

One point me, zero for Kadaj.


	4. Dulled Eyes

I laughed as I was tackled to the ground and pinned there with someone tickling my stomach, my worst ticklish spot. In an attempt to get my attacker to stop, I tried to swat his hands away but failed miserably.

"Z-Zack! St-stop!" My boyfriend of two years now, Zack Fair, had me just where he wanted. With a free hand he pinned my hands above my hand and continued his assault on my stomach. Unfortunately, no one was here to save me this time. Cloud was doing who knows what and Sephrioth was off on a mission. I was on my own.

"Zack!" I giggled in delight as he nibbled on my earlobe and kissed down my neck. "Zack, what if someone walks in?" He just kissed my nose and stuck his tongue out at me. "Then oh well."

I laughed and gave him a peck on the lips, trying not to get into it since we were in the rec room of SOLDIER. When I looked back at Zack, I couldn't help but get lost in is stunning mako blue eyes. I had the same eyes, but mine weren't as bright as this ball of energy's.

"I have a mission to go on, so I'll see ya soon!" I got up and shook my head as he left the rec room. He was such a handful. I walked out of the rec room and was met by a raining sky. Huh. I don't remember going outside. Shrugging the weird feeling off, I walked to a cliff over looking Midgar.

'Why am I outside? I was just in the rec room!'

My thoughts were soon answered by my vision being clouded with the image of Zack's bloodied and torn body. Bullet wounds covered his upper body and there was a terrible wound on the side of his head.

"ZACK!" I slid next to him and took his face in my hands, tears streaming down my face. "Zack! Listen to me! Don't leave me!" He gave his famous smile and stroked my cheek. "I promise I'll come back for you, I promise Ryder."

* * *

I shot up from my bed in a cold sweat and tears streaming down my face. I buried my face in my hands and just cried. I hated this. Every night when I went to sleep it was the same thing over and over again. A happy memory I had with Zack and then his dead body, with him saying the same thing every time.

But this time was different. I don't know what it was, but it was different. It felt real this time, not like the others where I was just a bystander. I was interacting with Zack this time. Every day I wished they'd go away, but another part of me wanted them to stay. I missed him so much...

Removing my face from my hands I looked around the room and remembered I was in Yazoo's room, not at 7th Heaven or sleeping on my bike or staying in someone else's house. I sighed and reluctantly got out of bed. I was wearing a pair of Kadaj's sweatpants and then one of his shirts, since he was smaller then the other two.

I walked to the bathroom and washed my face. Looking in the mirror I looked at the bags under my eyes and then the blood on my face. '_Blood?' _It looked identical to the blood coming from Zack's head in my dreams. I looked down at my hands and saw that the cuts from Kadaj's blade had bled through. I undid the bandage and watched as the wound healed in seconds. It still fascinated me till the day what my body could do with Mako.

"Good to see you're up." I rolled my eyes and met the cold stare of Kadaj. The silver haired boy looked at my hand in shock. He took it and looked it over, taking in every detail. "How?"

"My body heals with Mako, that's how."

"But there isn't any Mako around..." He eyed me suspiciously and looked over the bathroom to see if I had hidden anything.

"So ho-"

"Do not ask me how." I poked his nose and narrowed my eyes. Kadaj crossed his eyes at my fingers and I laughed. Wait... I laughed. For the first time in years, I actually laughed. It wasn't a fake or forced one, but a real laugh.

Kadaj smiled at me and held his hand out. "We got off on the wrong foot, madame. I'm Kadaj." He bowed and kissed my hand. I smiled and did a small curtsey for him. "Well it's nice to meet you, Kadaj. I'm Ryder." Both of us laughed and we walked into the small kitchen.

"You have a really cute laugh." I felt my face get a little warm and looked away. It had been awhile since I had blushed either. There was just something about this kid, something that I liked.

Finding the pancake mix, I started the stove and began to make breakfast for the three boys. While the pancakes cooked, I popped some waffles into the toaster.

"Here," Kadaj handed me a spatchula to flip the pancakes with and took over my work with the waffles. "I'll help you."

I studied this boy carefully, trying to figure him out. His mood swings were killing me. One minute he hates my guts and now he's being a complete sweetheart.

"You don't have to help Kadaj."

"Yeah I do. I kind of... feel bad for what I did last night." I nodded and let him continue with what he was doing. Just being in the same room with him for a couple minutes, I knew he wasn't used to being nice like this. Like I told Yazoo, Kadaj was the cruel and insane one, Loz was childish, and then he was the dangerous one.

By the time were done, Yazoo and Loz were already sitting at the table ready for breakfast. I put the food out and watched as the three boys piled their plates with food.

While they stuffed their faces, I dressed in the clothes I came in and strapped two of my many swords into their place on my back. They looked similar to Cloud's fusion swords, but were just an inch thicker and couldn't do what Cloud's swords could. The rest of my weaponry was still with Rufus, hopefully.

"Hey! Where are you going Ryder?' I started my bike and gave one last glance at the three boys. "I'll bring ya some more food tomorrow. Try not to eat the base out until then!"

* * *

I paced around the bar, waiting for Ryder to return so I could apologize. I mean, I knew Ryder wouldn't let me apologize, but I was technically older than her. It was hard to explain but...

"Why are you pacing around like you're waiting for a paternity test?" I looked at the doors to the bar and saw Ryder standing there with an amused look on her face.

"I've told you one hundred times Cloud," Ryder walked behind the counter and pulled out a bottle of vodka. Next she pulled out of the draws and got a condemn from the draw and threw it at me."Next time, use protection ya twit."

I could feel my cheeks get red and I glared at her. "You're so weird! How did you even know where those were?" She chuckled in response and poured to glasses of the vodka. Ryder still had yet to understand I couldn't drink vodka plain. Such a thick head.

"I'm just messin' with ya Cloud." I rolled my eyes and downed the glass in seconds.

When I set the glass down, Ryder was always pouring herself another glass. It had probably been awhile since she'd had alcohol**. **I took another shot and crinkled my nose as the liquid burned my throat.

"Trying to get me drunk now?" She shook her head and easily downed four more shots in just a couple seconds. She was completely ridiculous. But it didn't matter how many she took, there was no way this kid would get drunk.

I set my glass down and gave her an apologetic look. "I took it a little to far yesterday. I'm your family, not biological, but I'm your family." Dull blue eyes stared back at me holding no emotions. That was something that must of happened after she found out about Zack. I didn't blame her. Ryder loved Zack more than her own life. And Zack, he would take a bullet for her. He was always by her side, no matter what.

"Cloud, don't look at me like that." Ryder gave me a weird look, one that put a smile on my face.

"Smile more often, too. You have the cutest smile." I buried my face into my arms to hide my flushed face, but Ryder was amused by my actions.

"Alright Ryder. No more fighting?"

"You read the journal then?" I nodded and gave her a small smile.

"Alright, than you understand now."

I threw an arm over her shoulders and walked outside with her. I got on my bike and motioned for her to get on behind me. It was time for a little trip, just like the good old days.


	5. Not Coming Back

I looked softly around the ruined church, a place that had once brought me happiness, but only brought the memories of the past back to my head. The last memory I had of this place... I couldn't even think about it.

Cloud sighed, bringing me back to reality. There was a blanket and rolled up sleeping bag laid out on the floor of the church, along with a brown box and a white chest. I watched Cloud take a seat on the brown box and he pulled the fabric away from his arm.

"Oh Cloud..." I ran my soft finger tips over his arm. He had the stigma. I had seen the stigma before, only to see the person die from it. I couldn't see that happen to Cloud.

I pulled my cloak aside and lifted up my shirt, revealing black splotches over my stomach and leading up my shirt. "You're not the only one." Cloud shot up and lifted my shirt up to me chest. The black splotches led past my chest and Cloud proceeded to pull my shirt down from my neck. There the black splotches stopped.

"You have the stigma bad, Ryder..." I slowly pulled his hand away and placed one of mine on his face. Cloud placed one of his hands over mine and sighed with comfort. "But, the stigma won't kill you, will it Ryder?"

I looked at the flowers that Aerith had loved so much, images of her tending to them making their way into my head. The images of Zack helping her around the church and in the slums. I gazed up at the sky through the hole in the church and shut my eyes.

"I'm immune to a lot of things Cloud, but I don't think Geostigma is one of them. Sometimes I see things... usually Zack or Aerith, and then I have seizures. But no one that I've met has had the symptoms I've had."

"I do. I see Aerith sometimes, but never Zack..." I pulled my hand away from Cloud's face and walked over to the flowers. Aerith was always very protective of these things. I gently stroked the petals of one of the white flowers and smiled.

Aerith wouldn't let Zack touch the flowers I remember, but she always let me touch them and care for them when Zack wasn't around. Maybe only girls could care for the flowers...

"What is it?"

"Just thinking."

Cloud joined my side and sat next to me as I played with the flowers. "Same here."

"Feel like sharin' your thoughts Spikey?" Cloud chuckled and nudged my side, making my yelp in surprise. I still hated it when he did that. "I'll only share them with you." I nodded for him to continue.

"I was reading through your journal and I found this," I smiled at the picture Cloud held out and felt my eyes get watery.

It was of Zack, Cloud, and me hanging out at Seventh Heaven. We had a race to see who would get there first and we all busted through the doors at the same time. Zack was laying in between Cloud's legs and I was laying between Zack's legs. The three of us were laughing in the picture, just because of how perfect it was. We landed perfectly between each others legs which was almost impossible... well, almost.

Cloud held out another picture, but this one made me feel guilty. It was the one thing I had never told Zack, or anyone for that matter. It was me and Genesis. Kissing. Genesis had taken the picture so he could keep it with him on his missions, but stuff happened that made him not want it anymore...

"Did Zack ever know about... you and Genesis?"

I shook my head and handed the picture back to Cloud. "It was before I'd met Zack, about a year before. Genesis took me out on a date and asked me to be his girl. But we didn't want to get everyone's hopes up about us being a couple, not to mention how protective Sephiroth and Angeal were, we kept it a secret, for about seven months until it fell apart."

"What happened?" I sighed and flicked a ladybug off of knee. "Work got in the way of it. It took us seven months to work everything out. It only took so long because of missions and training, but the same thing tore it apart."

"But then you wouldn't of been with Zack." Cloud said it in a singing voice and I nudged his side.

"True that Cloud. True that."

It was quiet for awhile after that, but it wasn't awkward. It was a peaceful quiet, one that I enjoyed. But as Zack blew through mind, my mood changed. I felt like I was being punished by both Zack and Aerith for what I did. Leaving out of the blue, and the other thing... the other thing I hadn't told Cloud about. I hadn't even told Zack about it. But Sephiroth knew the truth. Maybe I should tell Cloud. It's not like things could get worse.

"Hey Cloud,"

"Hmm?"

"I've done some bad things in my life. If I told you the worst of them, would you not judge me?" Cloud nodded and looked at me seriously. Time to confess.

* * *

"WE LOVE YOU RYDER!" I chugged down the water Ryder had brought us and then started to scarf down the steak, mash potatoes, and biscuits. It was a feast.

Like she had promised, Ryder had brought us food for the past three days. This was one of the best yet. Yesterday was the best sushi I ever had, and the food just kept coming. Even Kadaj had been complimenting Ryder and saying how much he loved her for bringing food.

"So you boys happy with today's meal?" I nodded furiously and scarfed down another plate of mashed potatoes.

Ryder had been so kind to us, bringing us food and checking up on us twice a day. The three of us felt like kids, but there was a kind of protectiveness to it that made it more than just baby sitting.

"What are the wings on our shoulders for?" Everything got deadly quiet. I looked at my brothers who were shocked at the question, but even more shocked was Ryder. But I couldn't of been the only one wondering the same thing.

"Nice job Yazoo. Now we're screwed." I avoided Ryder's stone hard gaze as her eyes shifted over to me.

"Do you believe that some myths and legends are true, Yazoo?" I slowly met her gaze and shrugged. "Not really." Ryder snorted and finished off her box of Sushi.

"Guardian's, or Protector's as they're called, are a myth I learned about years ago. As it goes, the Protector is given people to protect with they're life. If they succeed, then happiness will be with them forever. But if they fail, then they will forever be cursed with loneliness and never be happy."

"How does that explain the wing?" I raised an eyebrow and Ryder mounted her bike.

"They're the mark of the Protector." I stared after her, putting two and two together. Kadaj and Loz seemed to get the message as well. No wonder why she had to keep coming back.

The fridge was full of food along with the cupboards, which was enough to signal to us she wouldn't be coming back for awhile. She looked rather... anxious to get going. Did she have someone waiting for her? But she had said herself this was the first time she'd been back in Midgar in years.

She looked out the window, thinking hard about something. "Well good luck on your mission to find Genova, not that I give a shit. I'll see ya around Yazoo." She gave me a small smile and started walking out. Kadaj looked rather sad to see her leave, as was Loz. But that was strange for Kadaj, to see him sad.

"When will you be back?" Ryder turned her head to Kadaj, a small smile on her face. "I don't know sweetie. I've got things to take care of back at home so I might not be back. But it was nice to meet you Kadaj." A childish pout came over his face and I could hear Ryder chuckle outside.

"Well there goes the only good thing about this place." Loz huffed and leaned back against the love seat. He had a point though. Ryder was the only good thing around here and kept us from killing each other, but now she had left us to take care of some sort of issues. I've been trying to see where she's coming from, but that would be easier if she'd tell us here story, not hide it from us.

* * *

I watched Tifa mess around with Denzel and Marlene, throwing water at them. It made me smile to see something going well in this beat up city. Now that I wasn't around Cloud and I could relax, I had time to reflect on my fun times in SOLDIER.

* * *

"Genesis! Put me down!" I giggled as the man threw me over his shoulder for taking his stupid LOVELESS. I still wouldn't give it back though.

"Give me my book back Ry!"

"It was stolen fair and square and it's mine now!"

Sephiroth and Angeal were walking down the hallway, coming towards myself and Genesis by the sounds of their footsteps. Maybe Sephiroth could help me out. He loved me enough.

"Hey super soldier! If you love me and you're my friend you'll help me out of this!" I heard both chuckle and I was soon safe by Angeal and Genesis looked rather pissed off, but it was an act.

"You're my hero!" I threw my hands up and ogled at him with tears forming in my eyes. This made him laugh, which was a rarity. I then turned towards Genesis and pulled LOVELESS from the pocket of my cloak. Flipping through the pages of the book, I ended up holding it by a corner looking at it curiously.

My nose scrunched up and I shook the book a little just to see Genesis squirm. "Ryder, that book is worth a lot to me. Please don't rip it." I looked into Genesis's pleading blue eyes and smirked. We loved teasing each other.

"How do you read this? It's very boring."

"You're suppose to understand art like poetry!"

I rolled my eyes and tossed the book to him. "No. I understand painting and drawing, not poetry." He glared at me and put the book back in his coat. I laughed as I walked away with Sephiroth, leaving Angeal to deal with Genesis.

A goofy smile had made it's way onto my face. We had such good times together and those times increased when Zack started tagging along with Angeal. Though it took me a couple weeks to start thinking of Zack as a friend rather than a lower SOLDIER.

And months later, myself and Zack were going on dates in secrecy as to not upset the President. About seven months into our relationship we were already talking about finding a place in Midgar and quitting SOLDIER to start a life of our own. Spehiroth and Angeal were on board with the idea, with Angeal constantly teasing us about wanting plenty of nieces and nephews. Then he'd tease Sephiroth about being a grandpa, as he acted like my father. Those were the good days.

Genesis though, he was supportive but he never really liked the idea. The two of us were actually going to leave SOLDIER not long before Zack came along. We had a house picked out and everything, ready for the new life, but things just got in the way and we split. When he left, I was heartbroken. Then there was Zack and Aerith so I left Midgar for traveling. Now I had lost both of them and was condemned to a life of solitude.

* * *

"Hey Ryder, you alright?" I snapped from my thoughts and smiled at Tifa. "Yeah, just thinking about Zack and my old friends." She gave a small smile and patted my shoulder. "Well you got us and our friends now. They can't wait to meet you."

I smiled and a certain warm feeling filled my heart. I was wanted somewhere at least now, and things seemed to be going well. Maybe I did have a chance at being happy, just maybe.


End file.
